Slothy Wife Calls Maid Service

While Tim’s been bringing home the bacon, I’ve just been bringing home artificial bacon bits. It’s weird that I am still getting a paycheck from work seeing as I am not working. I’m using sick time. Every time I see a paycheck come in through the mail, I just think “suuuckers”. It doesn’t seem like I should be getting paid for slothing around at home. It feels very unearned, and like I said, very artificial-bacon-bity.

I am thinking about getting this book for Tim to help him understand my transformation:



Well, it's been less of a transformation and more a magnification of my pre-existing slothy traits.

I figured I’d really pile on the baby weight since all I am doing is lounging around and eating large amounts of ice cream. Surprisingly, load mode has resulted in my dropping about 8 lbs in the last two weeks. The doctor said that is normal and it is due to a reduction in swelling. I still have a lot of swelling – but now it is more in my hands and face and legs rather than my feet and ankles. Mmmm…gravity. So I am celebrating the re-emergence of my ankles, but sadly my hands are now like two big potatoes. I can’t even make a closed fist anymore. Whenever I pet Cow with my clumsy potato hand, I can’t help but say “I'm gonna love her, and squeeze her and call her Cow."

Due to my potato hands and load-mode status, you can imagine what our kitchen looks like. Not pretty. It’s not that I’ve ever been a clean-freak (my parents would be happy to show you embarrassing pictures of my teenage bedroom to prove it) but I always like to keep the kitchen nice… and now look at it:



OK, that isn’t our kitchen… but you get the idea. Just take it down a couple of notches, and that’s almost semi-sorta-kinda-close to the squalor level of our kitchen. But Tim has made me the happiest slothy wife in the world by agreeing to let me have a maid service come in and clean one afternoon. I know!! How la-tee-dah, huh?

As excited as I am, I felt soooo weird calling up Molly Maids and asking for someone to come clean the house. I felt like I was really apologizing as I called and trying to justify why I would even need their services. It’s not like I work an 80-hour week or travel a lot, which I suspect is the case for most of their clientele. So when the maids show up and I am at home, they are going to be like “Why do you need us? Why can’t you clean the floors? What’s wrong with you? What kind of wife are you, anyway?” Geez, imaginary maids are SO MEAN. Anyway, I think I managed to awkwardly slip in “I’m on bedrest” a couple of times during the phone call to Molly Maids as my pathetic attempt to offer justification for requesting their services.

I suspect I’ll get over these feelings as soon as the maids come and go and our house is shiny. They are scheduled to come in next Tuesday. I realized after I hung up that Tuesdays are my pee jug days. Great… nothing like a jug of pee in a cooler on the bathroom floor to tell a stranger “a real twisted piece of fruit lives here!” Oh… the shame compounds.

Well, like I said, I’ll get over it quickly. I am so thankful to have this service come around, and I’m so lucky Tim is being Mr. Supportive Pants and letting me have strangers come into our house to power clean.

*sigh* I can’t wait to have a shiny clean house for our baby to spit-up all over.