Thursday, September 29, 2011

Sign that I am Old

They pump muzak into the lobby of Alexander's preschool. Maybe this is to keep the children calm, or to lull the parents into a trance as they write out their checks and hand over their children. I think muzak should go back to the elevators where it belongs, but I could be accused of being a musicist if I say this outloud.

Anyway, the other day I was getting lulled into a trance and wondering if I should write another nice big check for the school. I suddenly realized that I recognized the piped-in song.

There is was, it all it's glockenspiel glory - Green Day's Basketcase.

I consider this to be a great song from my youth - it was topping the charts the year I graduated high school. It's punkish, it's fun, it's catchy. They also beat it into us as they played it on the radio about 500 times a day. (A "radio" is a device we used to listen to music on.) The song ponders issues of sanity, sex, and drugs. Yeah, totally perfect for muzak! And even more totally perfect for preschool muzak!

I'm so old.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Highly Flamable PJs and Compromises

I was looking online for some nice warm PJs for Ava. These looked cute...

Then I was reading the "fabric and care" section...

fabric & care
-100% Cotton.
-For child's safety, garment should fit snugly. This garment is not flame resistant. Loose fitting garment is more likely to catch fire.
-Machine wash.

Apparently, if you put a baby in any sort of semi-loose garment, they are MORE LIKELY to burst into flames. Why didn't Dr. Sears mention this in any of his baby books?! You'd think our pediatrician would have at least given us some sort of brochure.

I'm a good mother, so I bought several PJs in XXXX-Small sizes. Am I worried about these ultra tight PJs cutting off her circulation? Sure. But I decreased the probability that she will catch fire. Good parenting is all about thoughtful compromises.

For example, we took a trip this weekend to the "plywood photo-op novelty farm". It wasn't crowded at all, but that was because it was raining. So there was no line for the giant slide, but we also got soaked.

Those are the damp hinders of compromise.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Happy Dance

Ava is going to reenact a big moment... OK. Curtain up.

I received news that first made me go –


And then made me go –


What was the cause of total surprise and then total happiness? One word: REMISSION! HAPPY DANCE!

(OK, the happy dance was actually because she got a "record" on the Wii. That's why she keeps saying "record." *sigh* Method actors...)

End scene.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Life with Alexander

Life with a three-year-old is never dull, and often features backaches and lots of laundry.

Lately, he's curious about the idea of logos and branding. His uncle Dave and aunt Rachel were here for a visit recently, and Dave was wearing a shirt with a Honda Goldwing logo. Alexander pointed at it and said "That's the logo for the company that made Uncle Dave."

His sense of humor continues to grow and he has a whole mess of new stand-up material to try on anyone that is willing to listen. For example, this morning we caught him singing a new version of "head, shoulders, knees, and toes" to the cats. It was "head, shoulders, knees, and paws". Alexander was beside himself with his own comic genius. This could be part of a larger Weird Al phase, because he also has been changing lyrics to other songs... for example:

Alexander: Sing a lullaby, please, Daddy!
Tim: OK. Hush little baby, don't say a word. Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird. If that mocking bird won't sing, papa's gonna buy you a...
Alexander: (interrupting) Another mockingbird! (laughs)
Tim: OK, then. Another mockingbird. If that mockingbird won't sing, papa's gonna buy you...
Alexander: (interrupting, again) Another mockingbird! (laughs hysterically)
Tim: Really? Another mockingbird?
Alexander: (barely able to speak, laughing so hard) Yes!
Tim: All right. Papa's gonna buy you another mockingbird. If that mockingbird won't sing, papa's gonna buy you a...
Alexander: (again barely able to speak) Another mockingbird!
Tim: Another one?!
Alexander: We have so many mockingbirds, and none of them can sing! (tears rolling down cheeks from laughing so hard)
Tim: *sigh*

Well, I could go on but you'll just have to catch his Comedy Central special when it comes out in 2029. Alexander also recently expanded his comedic repertoire with what I guess was a "prank". A semi-elaborate prank, at that.

Tim and I use "TV Ears" when watching movies in the loft after the kids are in bed. Yes, TV Ears. When we saw the ad in Senior News, the one that said TV Ears could save our marriage, it seemed really irresponsible to NOT get them. I mean, we take our wedding vows super seriously. We couldn't risk passing up on a product that could save our marriage. We didn't even know our marriage was failing, but Senior News said... well, YOU read the ad:

See?? It is doctor recommended, AND patented, AND saves marriages, AND only weighs 1.6 ounces!! I know, right?! Can you believe some people DON'T buy TV Ears? Fools.

Anyway, as you can see, they are basically little wireless headsets. We recently had to replace the charging base because it wasn't working, but otherwise they have worked very well and lived up to every promise.

One night we went upstairs to enjoy an evening movie. I picked up the headset, and immediately noticed the foam ear covers are missing.

This is a bummer, because without the foam coverings they are pointy and uncomfortable. I really wanted to watch a movie, so I put them on anyway. I quickly discovered that not only were the ear foams missing but the headset wasn't working either. There was no power. Hmmmm.... Looking down, I realize that there are TWO bases sitting out. Someone had moved the headphones out of the new working base, and carefully placed them into the old broken base.

As a result, the batteries were dead. Noooo! There goes our marriage. At this point I was so annoyed that I was getting hot. I bent down to turn on the fan and the fan starts making a horrible sound. Clack clack clack!

Um... yeah. Guess what was in there? Yep. It took tweezers to remove the earbuds from the fan.

So either Ashton Kutcher has run out of D-list celebrities and has moved on to D-List normies, or Alexander has found a new way to amuse himself.

This is life with Alexander.

Laundry, backaches, and toddler comedy.

It's a pretty all right life.