Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Tuesday, December 8, 2009


Alexander was too young to remember the snow from last year… so he was just thrilled when it started to fall this year. Here was his reaction:

If a few flakes registered the above level of excitement, I can’t image what he’ll do tonight when we are supposed to get up to a foot of snow. We’d better get the house nerfed so no one get injured.

Playdate with a Tiny Dancer

We had a lot of fun when Alexander’s little friend Riley came to visit. She is soooo cute, and very patient with Alexander’s exuberant ways. Here is the adorable Miss Riley:

Alexander thinks she is just the bee’s knees. He is especially impressed with her mad dancing skills (which are about the yarriest thing you'll ever see.) He tried to not come on too strong, so he started the playdate with a firm and hearty handshake:

He just thought everything she did was so funny! This shot sort of captures how he looked at her almost the entire playdate.

And, by the end, he had her cracking up a bit too:

I should have taken better video, but here is a little snippet of them looking out the window together:

Thanks for visiting, guys! We're looking forward to the next baby dance party - maybe Riley can teach Alexander a few of her signature moves.

Is it "Miss Bean" or "Mister Bean"?

We had our big ultrasound! The doctor even commented on how much more cooperative this baby was. With Alexander we had to go back three or four times to get all the needed measurements because he was always in crazy positions. This kiddo was in a perfect position for getting all the measurements, and even showed us “the goods” clear as day. So the big question was, is our April Baby going to be a "Miss Bean":

Or a "Mr Bean":

The technician said she was “absolutely certain” that…. IT’S A GIRL!!! That’s right, the ultrasound picked up evidence of sugar and spice and everything nice in my uterus. She looks healthy and is measuring right on target. Hooray!

So knowing that I am twice the girl I was before explains a lot of things… like way I actually watched a movie on the Lifetime Network the other day. I'm in an estrogen fog over here.


Alexander has a lot to say, and we are getting to understand more and more of it. Some words he says correctly, but some words like “Pah!” (meaning “up”) require translation. Here’s a little infographic of his most commonly uttered words:

Bad Day For Turkeys - Good Day for Us

Sorry for the pregnant pause between posts. Khee-hee-hee. OK, sorry for the bad pun. OK, English majors, sorry for misusing the word pun. Look, I didn’t log onto the blog to be apologizing to you all day… so let’s move on.

Since our last update, the day of giving thanks and eating a variety of dead animals has come and gone. We hosted Thanksgiving this year, and I made it really easy on myself by making crock pot ham (impossible to screw up) and I ordered a smoked turkey. Yes, it was a mail order turkey. What a crazy world we live in, eh? No one seemed to even notice the lack of tofukery being offered, but I figured there were plenty of side dishes available for my vegetarian gluttony.

So we all gained massive amounts of weight and had to undo the top buttons of our pants. Just like the pilgrims.

To keep everyone entertained, Grandma (Alexander’s Great Grandma or “G.G.” ) played a duet with Alexander. It sounded very modern. Grandma played an elegant melody while Alexander banged random notes intermittently. If they were hipsters, this would have been considered performance art.

My friend Amber stopped by for a visit. She hadn’t seen Alexander in a while, so she was impressed with the steep trajectory of his growth chart. Alexander, always the ladies man, was very glad to see her.

Just like young boys on a playground often hit or kick the girl they like, Alexander showed his affection in a rather rough way…. simulated strangulation.

And if being strangled wasn’t enough, Alexander also terrorizes our guest by “accidentally” groping her. Nice.

(Notice I didn't do anything to stop this unintentionally rude behavior. I just laughed and took a picture. Yep...that's what makes me both an outstanding friend AND mother.)

Amber was a good friend. Too bad she’ll never want to come back.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Bub's Favorite Joke

This is Alexander's all-time favorite joke. He came up with it about a month ago, and has been "telling" it ever since.

Of course, now he never runs up and gives his daddy a hug. He always runs past him for the punchline. He's already significantly funnier, with more sophisticated jokes, than ventriloquist Jeff Dunham...

... so where the heck is Bub's Comedy Central show?? Contract, please!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Enjoy a Few Slices of Yar Pie

Alexander is discovering there are so many fun things to do with dad. There are the more traditional father-son activities, like swimming:

Or going on Daddyback rides around the house:

And then there are those less-than-traditional father-son activities. You know, the ones that often send Alexander into fits of silent laughter.

Take for example, The Vomiting 3-D Shadow Puppet Show (tm) ...

If a Vomiting 3-D Shadow Puppet Show (tm) isn't an illustration of fatherly love, I don't know what is... Just imagine the kind of performance Tim is cooking up for his high school graduation - or wedding!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Finally… an “After"

You may remember our “before” from this blog entry. Well, if your index finger has had a hard day and can no longer fing, don't worry about clicking on the link. I can refresh your memory.

*doodle-la-do doodle la do*
(That’s a Wayne’s World style flashback… a style of flashback that requires a flashback to get the reference. *sigh* I'm old.)

Here is our "before": old lady shabby chic at it’s finest

*doodle-la-do doodle la do*
(That’s returning to the present…)

And here is the “after”:

As you can see, we had the contractor go ahead and remove the soda cans and made a few other upgrades as well.

Here Alexander ran into the shot. He's wide-eyed and checking out his new Bub Sanitation Station. Yar.

And, yep, that’s a drool of approval. He’s glad to see the lavender ceilings are gone. (The lavender is gone – the ceiling still exists.)

This was a totally drama-free remodel. We thought that was an oxymoron… but it turns out our previous contractor was just a moron. (Ok, that was lame – but TRUE. Go read the old basement remodel posts if you feel like another doodle-la-do.)

Despite all his rage, he’s still just an elephant in a cage.

Alexander had his first trip to the zoo this weekend. He waved excitedly and yelled out “hi!” to most the animals he saw (and to all the girls he saw).

Favorite animals included a lion (which he “roared” at), seals (or “seees’ in bubby language), and flamingos which he made this face at:

"They're pink and weird."

Admittedly, our zoo photography isn’t exactly National Geographic quality. Mostly, it’s just shots of Alexander looking at animals, and you’d never know the pictures were taken at the zoo. But trust me. We were totally at the zoo. For reals.

To instill a sense of empathy for caged animals, we placed Alexander in the laundry basket. (OK… actually he crawled in it himself because it is HILARIOUS when daddy gives him hamper rides. But I still think somehow the lesson was learned.)

Oh… and oddest overheard conversation the park…

Setting: In front of the Caribou Crazytown (or similar euphemistic and alliterative phrase for cage)

Players: Redneckish dad and his three boys

The Conversation:

Dad: Now if you were hunting, which one would you kill?

Boys: (talking at once) That one! That one’s the best to kill!

Youngest son: Where would you place the kill shot, daddy?

You can’t make this stuff up. I’d just hate to be lost and wandering around the woods in THEIR backyard. Especially if I was wearing my deer blouse (with matching full-cranial headpiece!)

Anyway. Zoo = fun.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Sometimes the right halloween costume finds YOU.

That’s why bub made the perfect:


Set phasers on yar.


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Bub Salutes Beals

Alexander discovered he can slip out of his shirt. He's ready for his Flashdance audition!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Blog Delays Caused By Act of God

Well, Tim and I also had something to do with it.

I haven’t been posting much lately because I’ve been pretty sick for the last couple months. I haven’t been sick with something trendy like Swine Flu, or something retro chic like Black Death, or even something embarrassingly out of style like Mad Cow Disease. No. I’ve been sick the last couple of months because of (this is my John McCain impression) “That One!” (see below)

OK. That picture didn’t really clarify anything. I’m pregnant! The blob in the above picture is Bean, and we’ll get to meet him or her around April 18, 2010. (Bean is the current name placeholder which will hopefully be replaced with a more dignified name soon.) We are, of course beyond thrilled. In fact, I’m so excited I could puke. Ug… excuse me.

*sound of toilet flushing*

Right. I’m back. So, yeah, I’ve been sick - down with the hardcore and questionably named morning sickness. I had it bad enough that my doctor prescribed some drugs for me that are used by chemo patients. Of course, I get a second opinion on all medical advice from my favorite instant and sometimes misinformed doctor, Dr. Google. (Hey, he’s free and he makes house calls.) According to Dr. Goggle, the drug I was prescribed is indeed used for severe nausea, but it is actually in a class of anti-psychotics drugs. Yeah, my doctor gave me anti-psychotic drugs. In both pill and suppository form in case I couldn’t keep down the pills. How many people can say they have anti-psychotic suppositories in their medicine cabinet? While I enjoyed the chemical lobotomy, these pills never really helped. But, at least I feel a little less crazy.

Tim has had to step up the Mr. Mom’ing on days when I'm not functional. He even has had to help at night a few times, a domain that was exclusively mine up until now. I don't think he had any idea that Alexander still wakes up at night or that when he sleeps, he tosses and turns so violently. (Alexander unfortunately takes after me and my dad when it comes to sleeping, or the lack thereof.) Tim's is one of those creative types that sincerely requires sleep. In fact, no sleep makes TIM MAAAAAD!!!!

He says you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry… but, let’s be honest...everyone likes Tim no matter what his mood. The above is a bit of an exaggeration (I just wanted to use a picture from a previous post due to it's craptacular hilarity). Any potential Bill-Bixby-turn-Lou-Ferrigno-ian rage has been contained thanks to slipping a few anti-psychotics in his beverage. Mu-hahaha!

OK... the truth (that will surprise no one reading this blog) is that Tim is an awesome and patient dad. I think Tim and Alexander are both enjoying the extra time together. It's quite yarry. Tim has stepped in and saved Alexander from days of being contained in front of the TV (*gag*) while I hover over a toliet (*more gagging*). Good work, Tim. You deserve a thumbs up from a freakishly long thumb. Enjoy:

Even though I am not quite 14 weeks along, I’ve begun to feel little flutters. With Alexander I didn’t feel any movement until 16 weeks, but I’ve heard that you often feel things much earlier with your second. So that has been reassuring to feel that Bean has weathered this morning sickness just fine. (Or else s/he is in there going *knock knock knock* “Helllooooo? Something other than saltines, please! I’m developing a very complex cardio-vascular system in here. Need food. Hellllooooo?”)

In bubby news, Alexander just turned 14 months. I just say he is “one” in everyday conversation because, really, when does the madness end? Will I be throwing him a “Sweet 192th Month” birthday party? Anyway, he is being his amazing and hilarious self. He is enjoying bipedalism as his preferred method of locomotion, confirming beyond a shadow of doubt that he is indeed a Homo sapien. He still walks with that slightly off-kilter toddler gait that is so endearing. He’s learned the sounds of a few letters and a few animals. He’s learned a few new words. So he’ll have a lot of tricks to teach his little brother or sister someday soon.

Friday, October 9, 2009

"What sound does a lazy blogger make?"

the answer is this:

Anyhoo...Alexander has mastered some sounds that he'd like to share with you. It gets cut off, but the first question I asked him was "What sound does a lion make?" Crank up your sound and enjoy.

As much as he loves acting he really wants to direct. Unfortunately, his attempts to get behind the camera resulted in extremely shakey footage that looks like it belongs in Cloverfield. Mmmm...nauseating.

And here's the bub enjoying his wagon and looking rather pleased with himself:

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Good-Bye Old Lady Chic… hello, Middle Aged Lady Chic.

Once again our house is filled with men and tools. They are remodeling the upstairs bathroom. Most importantly, they are installing a tub (just in time -- we can only put about a cup of water in the baby bathtub before Alexander overflows it with his giganticness.) They also ripped out the carpeting and are installing tile. Who puts carpet in a bathroom? Well, I’ve watched enough episodes of HGTV's “Save My Bath” to know that carpet in a bathroom is ALWAYS a “before” and never an “after”.

We are not working with the same contractor that did our basement. (No surprise there. While we like to be loyal, we aren’t insane.) The new contractor is awesome. He shows up on time. His crew is friendly and hasn’t said one bad thing about their boss. We know the price of everything up front. He hasn’t once been condescending… although we have certainly given him ample opportunity for sarcasm. He’s…just… awesome. His competence brings a tear to my eye.

Hopefully in a few weeks I’ll have “after” pictures… but in the meantime, here are some “before” pictures:

Can’t decide between a floral design and stripes? Why not both!

Someone actually said, presumably while sober, “You know what this bathroom needs? A purple ceiling!”

And that same person said “Who wants cold tile when you can have plush carpeting? It’s totally worth the inevitable mold problems! In fact, I love mold!”

Goodbye, ugly bathroom… enjoy bathroom heaven. (Or should I say, enjoy Bed, Bath and BEYOND? Oh… I’m funny. *sigh*)

Novelty-size Praying Mantis Visits

This guy (er… gal) has been hanging around a lot lately. At about four or five or twenty inches long, and a jaw the size of my pinky finger tip, maybe I’m the one that should be praying.

I don't know how he got stuck between the window and the screen. It is possible he was born and raised there. It's sort of horrifying to think how many insects must live in the space between the screen and the window to support this insanely large praying mantis.

If you live on a lake you gotta expect a few insects that look like they belong in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade to float by. Cool but … ew.

Party Tricks

A few weeks ago, we discovered Alexander knows where his nose is. If you ask him, "where's your nose?" he grabs your hand and touches his nose with your fingertips. He’s gotta be like 90th percentile for nose-location-ability… but keep in mind that Tim has been telling Alexander where his nose is from day one. We just never thought to ask him if the lesson sank in until recently.

I also discovered about eight times out of ten he can identify the right picture given a choice of two. He knows some cards better than others, though. Here's what I mean...

I guess kids this age can understand a lot more than they can say. So consider this fair warning to watch what you say around the boy. He could be keeping a mental log of everything you say, just waiting for the most embarrassing moment possible to repeat it.

He often surprises me with what he says … For example, I showed him a letter “A” and said “what’s this?” And he said (I swear it) “A!”. He looked at one of his favorite books and pointed to a picture of Elmo and said (I swear it) “Elmo.” Are these just random firing of his mouth that happen to say the right thing at the right time? Maybe. To be fair, he says a LOT of things. He just looked at me right now and said “Booo-weee-DOH!” So… um, who knows. But I'm signing off so I can finish eating this burrito.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Breakfast of Goofballs

Alexander gets a bit goofy when he is tired. OK... that's an understatement...

Don't worry, he recovered from his head bump quickly, and went back to laughing like a tiny crazy person.

A few more steps…

Alexander is getting a bit more confident with his walking. Here he is toddling to grandma:

Our house looks like a Fisher-Price tornado blew through. Please ignore the clutter and focus on the yar.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

He Knows Comedy


Now that Alexander is starting to walk, we had to cave in and buy him some shoes. Seriously, this is his first pair of shoes EVER.

By waiting so long, we completely bypassed all those super-soft super-cute baby shoes and went right to the hardcore “you could wear these to hike Mt. Kilimanjaro” shoes.

Some may call it being frugal, some may call it neglect. Honestly, I just didn’t see the point of shoes on a baby who couldn’t walk. That’d be like giving Mr. Clean a comb. (Although he could arguably use it for those eyebrows...)

It didn’t take him long to figure out how to pull up the Velcro and then yank off the shoe. In the baby world, this is a feat on the level of Criss Angel Mindfreak. (So annoying, is what I am saying.) Maybe we should have gotten a baby shoe version of "The Club" so he couldn't take them off so easily. Or someone needs to invent a baby shoe LoJack system so we can find missing shoes when they get tossed behind the couch. There is a million dollar idea that you got for FREE just by reading this blog. You're WELCOME.

I still haven’t gotten a good video of him walking. Here is a super brief walk. If you blink, you'll miss it. I think his record is 5-6 steps before either grabbing something or falling on his butt. This is probably just one step, but it’s cute anyway…


Alexander likes to dance and sing along to any song. Even hummed half-remembered tunes…

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Quick Trip to Iowa

Tim was planning to attend a wrap party for a movie he recently worked on, so we all decided to come along on a roadtrip to Iowa. Alexander was once again happy to be facing forward.

And he was super excited about getting to stay in a hotel room. He thought their flimsy $20 metal crib was far more fun than his Amish-built solid wood crib at home. I won’t tell our Amish friend… and he probably doesn’t read this blog.

His manic enthusiasm was short lived and he completely crashed in the hotel room before the party even started. So Tim went to the party, and I hung around the hotel room and watched a marathon of Ice Road Truckers on the History Channel. (Never quite got the "History" angle of watching a beefy bearded man who calls himself "Bear" drive big rigs in dangerous conditions, but it was surprisingly entertaining.)

While in Iowa, we were able to make two quick pitstops. One to see Great Grandma (AKA GG)

And one to see my good friend Amy and her family. Enjoy this picture of none of us looking at the camera, squinting, and being generally disheveled. We were all a bit tired and full of IHOP goodness.