A Farewell to the Finest Honky We’ve Ever Known

Dear Honky,
I wish I had taken more pictures. I guess people always say that when they lose a loved one unexpectedly.

Oh, sweet Honky. You were an excellent car. So many roadtrips…so many awkward moments of forgetting the social implications of saying your nickname out loud…so many sweet memories…

Believe me when I say that it isn’t you, it’s us. We’ve changed. You see, we found out that this kid is going to show up in August and he will probably have a lot of junk he’ll want us to haul around for him… and, frankly, you just don’t have the cargo capacity. Plus, this kid would barely fit in your backseat so you would be getting kicked all the time. And trust us, Honky… there is no dignity in having a juice stained interior and a passenger who doesn’t ask to pull over at a rest area to poop. We really think you will be happier with someone else.

But we didn’t want it to end like this. We had a free day and we were just looking at other cars… casually, you know. We were just curious about what else was out there, and we figured it couldn’t hurt to look. It was all very innocent. Well, one thing led to another, and before we knew it we had purchased a Saturn Vue. This thing has a trunk that goes on till Tuesday, we couldn’t help but feel instantly attracted. Plenty of room for junk in that trunk, if you know what we mean. But our attraction wasn’t just based on superficiality; it is also a hybrid and manages to get better fuel economy than you ever could. Not to put you down… but it’s true.

I’m sorry we had to leave you at the Saturn dealership, but you were part of the negotiation. We can only pray that the sweaty salesman will take good care of you as he assured us he would. We hope he sells you to a nice man in a black turtleneck who will love you as much as we did. He’ll probably listen to NPR and enjoying doing things “for the arts”… well, you’re a VW so you know the type. You’ll be where you should be, in a more sterile childless environment, rather than being a giant burp cloth with wheels.

We will always have a hole in our hearts in the shape of you, Honky. This isn’t just a serious medical condition; it is also a reminder of the good times we shared. We’ll miss you, Honky!!

XOXO,
Steph and Tim