Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Baby Likes Drama

We just got back from the doctor. Nabisco seems to have a flare for theatrics and suspense. The doctor was listening for the heartbeat on Doppler, like she does at every appointment. She couldn’t seem to find anything. It was like tumbleweed in there. A good 5 minutes passed before the doctor finally said “I can’t find the heartbeat, the baby must be hiding.” Hiding? I mean, he has to be in the womb, right? Doesn’t the umbilical cord act as leash to keep the kid from wandering around inside my body and having his own little Fantastic Voyage? I can’t believe we are such neglectful parents that we actually let the kid get lost in the womb… *sigh* Hopefully the doctor’s office won’t call DHS.

The doctor moved Tim and I into another room. I guess the room was command central for locating missing and exploited fetuses. It was dominantly filled with an ultrasound machine that looked like some sort of Antiques Roadshow reject. It had a tiny screen, buzzed loudly with fans, and I think it would require an upgrade to have enough memory to play Pong. They seemed to be low on that gel stuff they use as a transducer for the ultrasound, and the doctor was shaking and slapping the bottle over my belly like it was ketchup. After several embarrassingly loud farty noises, she got enough gel out to begin.

As soon the doctor said “the baby is kicking” Tim and I both relaxed tremendously. The baby’s head looked nice and round, and much less Skeletor-esque than before. The baby had the hiccups during the ultrasound. This was oddly the most adorable thing I had ever seen. Yaaarrr.

The picture wasn’t as clear as the previous ultrasound because my bladder wasn’t full this time. Apparently that requirement for a full bladder really makes a difference. I honestly thought it was just the ultrasound technician’s idea of a cruel joke. Make a pregnant woman get a full bladder, then squirt her belly with a cool gel, then press down firmly on her abdomen. Diabolical! Muahahahaha!

At the end of the exam, the doctor printed a laughable picture of the baby for Tim and I to take home. It looks like two grayish blobs. But it’s “our” grayish blob… so we think it is great. Tim and I were thinking about showing the picture to people and insisting that it is a very clear representation of our baby. It’s what expectant parents do to annoy and bore everyone around them.

So the baby is just fine. We have the “big” ultrasound on March 31st and hopefully we will find out if the baby is a Nabsico or a Nabisca (that’s the feminine for Nabisco).

Oh, and the doctor said I should be prepared to be on Load Mode for the rest of the pregnancy. (Although she may have used a euphemism in place of Load Mode.) I’m still hopeful, though, that the placenta will move and I can have a glorious comeback. But I guess it is wise to be prepared to be slothing around with the kitties in bed for a while longer.

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