BOB Books – Simply Awful or Just Terrible?

I know many parents adore the “BOB Books", so I hope rabid BOB fans won’t hunt me down for the BOB blasphemy I am about to commit. But OH… MY… BOB … I am not a fan. There, I said it. I do not like BOB books. You will not find me waiting in line at midnight at Barnes and Noble for the next installment of the BOB series.

Yeah, it may be pretty lame of me to criticize books intended for toddlers. And as a pretend writer myself, I don’t like to criticize the creative efforts of fellow writers. These books, however, were not authored by a writer. They were written by a random word generator and then edited by a bloated - and possibly inebriated - corporate committee. (Pretty sure that is almost totally true.)

Let me give you an example of the horror that is the BOB books. This book is called “Mac”.




The illustrations make me feel… slightly disappointed. I dunno. Kinda like I really want a fudgsicles but all we have are popsicles, ya know? Also, I have the urge to punch Mac in his stupid box head. But, mostly I just feel a fudgsicle-ish disappointment.



Here is the text of the entire story:
Mac had a bag.
The bag had a dog.
Mac had a bag and a dog.
Mag had a rag.
Mac can tag Mag.
Mac got the rag.
Mac sat on the rag.
Mag sat on the bag.
THE END

And this, my dear readers, is one of their BETTER ones of the first set.

Toddler friendly? Yes. I guess so. If by “friendly” you mean that toddlers will be able to read the words and quickly realize reading is an activity in which they should never willingly engage... then, yeah. This book is totally toddler friendly.

Now, here is the funny part. This is the description on the back of the book::





Here is what it says if you can’t read it off the picture:
Mac and Mag show the fun of good sportsmanship as they run and tag. The end of the story finds Mac with the rag and Mag with the bag, a switch from the beginning. Their expressions show the enjoyment of playing and sharing.


Wait… WHAT?? First of all, it’s a 38 word story (40 if you count “The End”) with a 43 word summary? I guess I am a purest when it comes to "summaries". And second of all… WHAAAT? Did you read the same story I just read? What sportsmanship?? What fun??? What story??? What’s happening?? Where am I? What’s that smell?

Now before you go and say “hey, those are meant for 2-year-old readers not adults” I want to point out that Alexander is not impressed either. He looks at them every now and then, but he always has this look that says “laaaame” by the end of the story.



My assessment could very well be off-base. These are very popular and successful books, after all. But in my opinion there are much better early readers out there. Ones that won’t make parents want draw eyes on a cardboard box just for the pleasure of throwing a punch at it. Preschool Prep has a good set. And there are these cool books called “We Both Read” where there is a page for the parents to read, and then an easier page for the kid to read.

Now I’ll just sit back and wait for “boxheads” (diehard BOB fans) to start picketing on my front lawn. Weirdos.