Unfortunate Decor

Floral borders, a wallpaper that looks like the designer had two bad ideas and went ahead an put them together (translucent stripes and translucent flowers?!), bright day-glo brass fixtures, carpeting instead of tile, a lavender ceiling… These disturbing images are real. This is the current state of our upstairs bathroom.

I’d say the style is very 1980’s grandma chic… but that is insulting to 1980’s grandmas everywhere. We all know from seeing enough pharmaceutical ads that elderly women love to play tennis, watch sunsets, and place their hands firmly on their life partner’s shoulders. According to television (the leading source of geriatric trendspotting) today’s elderly woman decorates and dresses with a nondescript J.Crew flair.

But the elderly are our top consumers of pharmaceuticals. And pharmaceuticals have side effects. Read the fine print. Think that bottle of Osteo-Conjointin is safe? Think again.

Possible side effects include: mild tingling in the brain, generalized oblongation, high forehead, phantom limbs, increased opacity, small ear, and tragic bathroom décor.

And guess who we bought this house from? Yes, stay with me, an old lady. She was (clearly) highly medicated and suffering major decorating-related side effects. Sad. At least she can play tennis and watch sunsets. Thanks, Osteo-Conjointin!

So… anyway. What was I saying? Oh yeah. We are thinking about remodeling. True story.