Saturday, June 7, 2008

Tiny Little Man Causes Big Drama

We’ve had a healthy round of drama recently. Everything is just fine… the baby is still in the womb, he weighs a whopping 4 lbs, and is keeping mostly to himself. But, in the last 48 hours I have had…
• 2 trips to the doctor
• 1 trip to the Acute Care Center
• 1 trip to Labor and Delivery
• 48 trips to the bathroom

Perhaps this table can further explain:

So here is the Good News:
1. Despite only getting a 2/10 on the first Biophysical Profile, baby woke up, studied hard, and scored a perfect 10/10 on re-take. He also convinced the doctor to take second score for his final grade.

2. The Labor and Delivery unit was deemed “pleasant enough” by expectant parents.

3. The baby is measuring at least a couple weeks ahead. Determined to be a “hardy lad” by all accounts. The following graph shows he has taken an early lead in the ‘playground intimidation’ factor.

4. Despite drama created by inherently flawed tests, baby has proven himself to outstanding the field of fetal excellence. Prediction: GENIUS!

And here is the neutral news…

1. Follow-up non-stress tests and biophysical profiles are required. I've decided that we have nothing more than a mellow baby on our hands (or at least that's the way he's acting in the womb. He's probably saving his energy for later.) I also think these tests are a bit flawed as they measure activity level and our boy seems to just like to sleep and hang out. (I'll let you insert your own joke here on which of his parents he takes after... although we are both champion sleepers.)

2. Although I keep calling him a boy, it cannot be determined if baby is a boy or a girl. Even with our multiple ultrasounds in the past couple of days, no technician would even guess. Doctor’s are turning back to the “possible badger” theory.

3. Cats’ emotional needs were not adequately met during crisis. Our bad kitty alert system has been elevated to Code Orange (“Bad Kitty Threat Level High. Intelligence reports that peeing outside the box likely in the next 24-48 hours” - Homeland Security).

4. All houseguests are forced to embrace a low standard of excellence when visiting. We'd like to think we are pioneers and shifting the paradigm of what it means to be a good host and hostess. Come on, everyone loves a good medical drama!

There really is no bad news to report (although kitties and houseguests may beg to differ). Oh, they did find I'm anemic - but I think that's just another handy excuse for my forgetfulness.

Now, what were we talking about?

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