I haven’t had much of a voice for a few days now, and I’m keeping Bean awake at all hours with a nasty cough. But I have it pretty easy compared to Tim.
Last night, we had to use the grandma bat-signal. My mom came over to watch Alexander while I took Tim to the emergency room. Tim had a sudden ear pain of the “stabby” variety. Stabbing pains are almost never good, so I hauled him off to the ER to get a medical opinion. The ER doctor looked in his ear and declared what he saw was “horrid”. THAT'S the big fancy medical opinion we drove all this way for?! Diagnosis "horrid"?? Can't you at least say that in latin if you are going to charge us a thousand dollars for this?
As it turns out, Tim has a pretty severe ear infection. Oh… and he ALSO has pink eye. Nice. Damn dirty microbes!!! *shaking fist in air* So Tim is heavily doped up right now and ingesting medications in a variety of cranial orifices.
For anyone that comes within a 300 foot radius of our house, I have the following list of helpful tips:
(1) Upgrade your usual glasses to some well-sealed olde-timey transportation goggles. As a plus, you’ll look super cool. (Or at least you won’t have the peripheral vision to see anyone pointing and laughing. But, no, really… you look cool, man.)
(2) Apply a thick layer of Purell Instant Hand sanitizer to all exposed body parts. The slick sheen will create the illusion of a healthy shiny coat and totally keep germs away (mostly because no one wants to touch you).
(3) Look with your eyes, not your hands. If you do accidentally touch anything in our house, it’s best to discard your hands and seek replacements.
(4) Check the labels on you clothing to ensure all garments are flammable. This will make things so much easier at the end of your visit when we strip you down and burn your contaminated clothes.
(5) BYOB - Bring Your Own Bubble!
Now you'd better drop your computer in a vat of Lysol, just to be safe.
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