Tonight Alexander said he wanted "Chinese Milk"... yes, he clarified, he wanted milk from China.
Maybe this is some kind of youthful rebellion against his parent's generation's obsession with buying local and organic. I mean, he nailed the opposite of that.
Kids these days.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Bub the Builder
We recently unearthed a DVD that I got many years ago for my nephew to watch when he visited - it's called Bob the Builder. Since both Ava and Alexander seem to have an interest in construction equipment, we decided to give it a whirl.
For those of you who don't watch toddler TV, Bob the Builder is a stop-motion animation series. It's kind of craptacular. I haven't bothered to google it or even watch to credits to confirm, but the voice of Bob sounds a lot like Greg Proops... which means he's a pretty effeminate sounding construction worker.
Greg Proops is hilarious, and I assume very successful. So, it probably isn't actually him but just someone that sounds like him. Not since The Village People have possibly light-in-the-loafers construction workers been so celebrated.
Anyway, Bob has a battle cry of sorts. He shouts "Can we fix it?" and all his trucks shout back "Yes we can!" He shouts "Can we build it?" and the response is "Yes we can!" (While this may sound like a political message, BTB came up with this slogan long before Obama used it in his 2008 presidential campaign. If only Bob had trademarked it! Obama would have to shell out millions and he'd be rich - maybe BTB could even afford more than 3 facial expression for their characters.)
So Alexander picked up on this battle cry. The other night he yelled "Can we fix it?" then "Can we built it?" and then, to our surprise, he added "Can we pay for it?"
We literally LOLed. Or is that LedOL? Stupid acronyms making grammar so complicated...
We're trademarking the phrase "Can we pay for it?" right now. It's just a matter of time before that becomes a campaign slogan. Cha-ching!
For those of you who don't watch toddler TV, Bob the Builder is a stop-motion animation series. It's kind of craptacular. I haven't bothered to google it or even watch to credits to confirm, but the voice of Bob sounds a lot like Greg Proops... which means he's a pretty effeminate sounding construction worker.
Greg Proops is hilarious, and I assume very successful. So, it probably isn't actually him but just someone that sounds like him. Not since The Village People have possibly light-in-the-loafers construction workers been so celebrated.
Anyway, Bob has a battle cry of sorts. He shouts "Can we fix it?" and all his trucks shout back "Yes we can!" He shouts "Can we build it?" and the response is "Yes we can!" (While this may sound like a political message, BTB came up with this slogan long before Obama used it in his 2008 presidential campaign. If only Bob had trademarked it! Obama would have to shell out millions and he'd be rich - maybe BTB could even afford more than 3 facial expression for their characters.)
So Alexander picked up on this battle cry. The other night he yelled "Can we fix it?" then "Can we built it?" and then, to our surprise, he added "Can we pay for it?"
We literally LOLed. Or is that LedOL? Stupid acronyms making grammar so complicated...
We're trademarking the phrase "Can we pay for it?" right now. It's just a matter of time before that becomes a campaign slogan. Cha-ching!
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Holiday Highlights
Alexander showed major improvements in his sprinkle control. (As far as cookies go, anyway.)
He also decorated a fine gingerbread house, pretty much up to code by local standards.
Christmas morning, the kids were excited to see some big guy had broken into our house. Santa put a cell phone in Ava’s stocking. She immediately called to thank him.
Santa also gave Ava a hat…
Which had the strange (brew) ability to turn Ava into Bob McKenzie.
"Take off, eh!"
In case you are in serious need of remedial work in the classics, here is Bob McKenzie:
Alexander received an unexpected promotion to Fire Chief.
Being a nice brother, he worked out some sort of a job-share arrangement with his sister.
It was a good time to have firefighters in the house, because suddenly it seemed that everything was on fire. These were strange fires that only Alexander and Ava could see with their super-trained firefighter eyes.
I don’t know what’s going on here, but this picture captures the spirit of our Christmas morning nicely.
Then we put a frilly dress on Ava and went to spend the afternoon at Grandma and Grandpa’s house. When the kids saw Grandma and Grandpa’s tree, they were like “whoa”.
...And it slowly dawned on them that their mother is an extremely lazy house decorator. Well, they’d learn that sooner or later. Sorry, kids.
Over many extended days of holiday funtoonery, presents were opened, big meals were eaten, and the kids got to spend time with their cousin and aunts and uncles and even their great grandma. Ava enjoyed the opportunity to nap on one of her favorite comfy spots.
Overall, the level of happiness experienced by the children this holiday season is show here:
(And, yes, they did receive new toys for Christmas, but apparently none are as fun as our old and curiously scented cat scratcher.)
Here's a fun fact*: according to the Chinese calendar, 2012 is the Year of the Yar. So strap on your yarbelts and get ready for a yarry ride of your life. Yar!
Happy New Year!
*for maximum accuracy, replace the word "fun" with "fictitious"
He also decorated a fine gingerbread house, pretty much up to code by local standards.
Christmas morning, the kids were excited to see some big guy had broken into our house. Santa put a cell phone in Ava’s stocking. She immediately called to thank him.
Santa also gave Ava a hat…
Which had the strange (brew) ability to turn Ava into Bob McKenzie.
"Take off, eh!"
In case you are in serious need of remedial work in the classics, here is Bob McKenzie:
Alexander received an unexpected promotion to Fire Chief.
Being a nice brother, he worked out some sort of a job-share arrangement with his sister.
It was a good time to have firefighters in the house, because suddenly it seemed that everything was on fire. These were strange fires that only Alexander and Ava could see with their super-trained firefighter eyes.
I don’t know what’s going on here, but this picture captures the spirit of our Christmas morning nicely.
Then we put a frilly dress on Ava and went to spend the afternoon at Grandma and Grandpa’s house. When the kids saw Grandma and Grandpa’s tree, they were like “whoa”.
...And it slowly dawned on them that their mother is an extremely lazy house decorator. Well, they’d learn that sooner or later. Sorry, kids.
Over many extended days of holiday funtoonery, presents were opened, big meals were eaten, and the kids got to spend time with their cousin and aunts and uncles and even their great grandma. Ava enjoyed the opportunity to nap on one of her favorite comfy spots.
Overall, the level of happiness experienced by the children this holiday season is show here:
(And, yes, they did receive new toys for Christmas, but apparently none are as fun as our old and curiously scented cat scratcher.)
Here's a fun fact*: according to the Chinese calendar, 2012 is the Year of the Yar. So strap on your yarbelts and get ready for a yarry ride of your life. Yar!
Happy New Year!
*for maximum accuracy, replace the word "fun" with "fictitious"
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
A Rambling and Distracted Christmas Ditty for You
Wishing you (yes, YOU) a wonderful holiday season. May your Christmas be merry and bright, and may all your snozzberries taste like snozzberries.
Merry Christmas from Our Dumb Blog.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
What to NOT get the kids for Christmas.
People (ok, mostly relatives) often ask us to recommend some good Christmas gifts for Ava and Alexander. Trust, us, everyone. They are not difficult to please. They spent an hour yesterday flying around an empty toilet paper roll like it was a spaceship. They thought it was awesome.
While they would have fun with an empty toilet paper roll, that doesn't mean that you can give them absolutely anything. In fact, there are some specific gifts that are on our "DO NOT GIVE" list. We will smile politely if our kids receive one of these gifts. Then the offending toy will be quickly escorted off the premises and burned in a private ceremony, before its wrongness can be mistaken for awesomeness by our children.
Please do NOT give our children…
(1) A Playmobil Security Checkpoint
It’s the Playmobil Security Checkpoint!! Let your child’s imagination run wild with terrorist paranoia and government conspiracy theories. Add to that the delightful experience of pretending to wait in long lines, taking off their shoes, having their mouthwash confiscated, being asked to step aside by a man slipping on latex gloves, and (several humiliating hours later) missing their flight. Weeeee!!!!
(2) A Thumb Wrestling Arena
This is the definition of unnecessary. Thumb wresting is such a simple game - no chafing singlets required! Just two kids with at least one thumb each. That is all you need to thumb wrestle. That is until someone thought “hey, let’s throw a piece of plastic over their hands!”
First of all, it gets in the way. Second of all, 99.8% of thumb wrestling games are spontaneous. By the time the kid runs off and finds this thing in his toy box, the moment will be gone and his thumbs will never even have a chance to taste the sweet phalangesical* victory.
*mostly, a made up word.
(3) Pole Dancing Doll
What the WHAT?
(4) Barbie’s Pooping Dog
OK, I’m just going to state the obvious: WTF. When I was a kid, we’d use our imagination if we wanted to pretend that our toy animals were pooping. And, frankly, the desire to do so was an extremely rare event. EXTREMELY rare. Having a dog poop out little choking hazards for Barbie to clean up might be the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen. And, I know dumb.*
*See title of blog.
(5) Toy Tattoo Gun
I know tattoos are very popular and mainstream now, but so is Dog the Bounty Hunter. Doesn't make it a good idea for children.
I can just hear these two kids talking...
Billy: Hmmmmm…..What would be an awesome tat? A Skull?
Shemp: No.
Billy: “Mother”?
Shemp: No. Hey, what was the name of that pole dancing doll your little sister has? Sassafras or something?
Billy: Perfect! Put that across my forehead!
(6) A "You Can Shave The Baby" Baby
OK, I guess theoretically, YES you can shave a baby. But why? WHY?
Hope that helps with your Christmas shopping. Thank you for your cooperation.
While they would have fun with an empty toilet paper roll, that doesn't mean that you can give them absolutely anything. In fact, there are some specific gifts that are on our "DO NOT GIVE" list. We will smile politely if our kids receive one of these gifts. Then the offending toy will be quickly escorted off the premises and burned in a private ceremony, before its wrongness can be mistaken for awesomeness by our children.
Please do NOT give our children…
(1) A Playmobil Security Checkpoint
It’s the Playmobil Security Checkpoint!! Let your child’s imagination run wild with terrorist paranoia and government conspiracy theories. Add to that the delightful experience of pretending to wait in long lines, taking off their shoes, having their mouthwash confiscated, being asked to step aside by a man slipping on latex gloves, and (several humiliating hours later) missing their flight. Weeeee!!!!
(2) A Thumb Wrestling Arena
This is the definition of unnecessary. Thumb wresting is such a simple game - no chafing singlets required! Just two kids with at least one thumb each. That is all you need to thumb wrestle. That is until someone thought “hey, let’s throw a piece of plastic over their hands!”
First of all, it gets in the way. Second of all, 99.8% of thumb wrestling games are spontaneous. By the time the kid runs off and finds this thing in his toy box, the moment will be gone and his thumbs will never even have a chance to taste the sweet phalangesical* victory.
*mostly, a made up word.
(3) Pole Dancing Doll
What the WHAT?
(4) Barbie’s Pooping Dog
OK, I’m just going to state the obvious: WTF. When I was a kid, we’d use our imagination if we wanted to pretend that our toy animals were pooping. And, frankly, the desire to do so was an extremely rare event. EXTREMELY rare. Having a dog poop out little choking hazards for Barbie to clean up might be the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen. And, I know dumb.*
*See title of blog.
(5) Toy Tattoo Gun
I know tattoos are very popular and mainstream now, but so is Dog the Bounty Hunter. Doesn't make it a good idea for children.
I can just hear these two kids talking...
Billy: Hmmmmm…..What would be an awesome tat? A Skull?
Shemp: No.
Billy: “Mother”?
Shemp: No. Hey, what was the name of that pole dancing doll your little sister has? Sassafras or something?
Billy: Perfect! Put that across my forehead!
(6) A "You Can Shave The Baby" Baby
OK, I guess theoretically, YES you can shave a baby. But why? WHY?
Hope that helps with your Christmas shopping. Thank you for your cooperation.
Monday, November 28, 2011
A Conversation With Alexander
Here is a brief transcript from an actual conversation I had with Alexander this morning. This talk happened in the car. Yes, strapping my 3-year-old into a chair is the best way to have a real conversation with him. If we are in a car, this method of conversation looks less like questionable parenting and more like a normal car ride.
See? You get helpful parenting tips here at ODB!
(Calling it "ODB" makes it sound like this blog is popular enough to warrant the causal use of an acronym. Instant cyber street cred. Yep, another great tip. You're welcome.)
Anyway, on with the transcript:
Me: Did you have a good Thanksgiving?
Alexander: Yes! I was very busy and I got to play with cousin Harrison.
Me: That sounds fun.
Alexander: Cousin Harrison shared his trains and toys with me. Do you think I'll get to play with cousin Harrison again next Thanksgiving?
Me: Yes, and hopefully many times before next Thanksgiving too.
Alexander: Why is there Thanksgiving?
Me: Well, it's a chance to give thanks for what we have. It all started...
Alexander (interrupting): Why did Uncle Brad make a turkey?
Me: It's a Thanksgiving tradition.
Alexander: Cousin Harrison and I were too busy to eat turkey. Do you think cousin Harrison will play Star Trek with me?
Me: How do you play that?
Alexander: We go vrrrrom, and we play Star Trek.
Me: Do you want to pretend to be Captain Kirk?
Alexander: No.
Me: Do you want to pretend to be Spock?
Alexander: No.
Me: Well, who are you going to be then?
Alexander: A farmer, and cousin Harrison can be a sheep.
Me: A farmer? I didn't remember there being a farmer on Star Trek.
Alexander: Ok, not Star Trek. We'll play Farm Trek.
***insert rimshot here***
THANK YOU! Good night!
See? You get helpful parenting tips here at ODB!
(Calling it "ODB" makes it sound like this blog is popular enough to warrant the causal use of an acronym. Instant cyber street cred. Yep, another great tip. You're welcome.)
Anyway, on with the transcript:
Me: Did you have a good Thanksgiving?
Alexander: Yes! I was very busy and I got to play with cousin Harrison.
Me: That sounds fun.
Alexander: Cousin Harrison shared his trains and toys with me. Do you think I'll get to play with cousin Harrison again next Thanksgiving?
Me: Yes, and hopefully many times before next Thanksgiving too.
Alexander: Why is there Thanksgiving?
Me: Well, it's a chance to give thanks for what we have. It all started...
Alexander (interrupting): Why did Uncle Brad make a turkey?
Me: It's a Thanksgiving tradition.
Alexander: Cousin Harrison and I were too busy to eat turkey. Do you think cousin Harrison will play Star Trek with me?
Me: How do you play that?
Alexander: We go vrrrrom, and we play Star Trek.
Me: Do you want to pretend to be Captain Kirk?
Alexander: No.
Me: Do you want to pretend to be Spock?
Alexander: No.
Me: Well, who are you going to be then?
Alexander: A farmer, and cousin Harrison can be a sheep.
Me: A farmer? I didn't remember there being a farmer on Star Trek.
Alexander: Ok, not Star Trek. We'll play Farm Trek.
***insert rimshot here***
THANK YOU! Good night!
Friday, November 11, 2011
Important Questions
Alexander asks questions... a LOT of questions. Some recent questions he asked:
"What is the sky for - what does it do?"
"Can a bear climb a tree like a squirrel?"
"Do ducks eat flowers?"
"Why is there red?"
"What is hair for?"
Every question is another piece of the 3-year-old universe puzzle.
(I know!! I found the perfect picture in the archives. You can thank me later for such a feat of blogging excellence.)
I estimate I have about 11 more months before he realizes that I am an unreliable source of information. Then he'll start referring all questions to the internets - aka "3rd parent." For now, he thinks I'm a double bacon genius burger.
"What is the sky for - what does it do?"
"Can a bear climb a tree like a squirrel?"
"Do ducks eat flowers?"
"Why is there red?"
"What is hair for?"
Every question is another piece of the 3-year-old universe puzzle.
(I know!! I found the perfect picture in the archives. You can thank me later for such a feat of blogging excellence.)
I estimate I have about 11 more months before he realizes that I am an unreliable source of information. Then he'll start referring all questions to the internets - aka "3rd parent." For now, he thinks I'm a double bacon genius burger.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Da Bears
Trick or treating was a success (in our case, it was 100% treating). The children were dressed up as bears, which was Alexander's idea. They ended up looking like bears closely related to ewoks.
Alexander had his first chocolate bar. He was not impressed.
"I dressed up as a ewokish bear for THIS?"
We're glad Alexander doesn't like the candy. George Lucas will probably be suing us for copyright infringement, so we'll need to fork over our ewok proceeds anyway.
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